1. Be born a girl. Have your best friend convince
you to join Aboite Softball League. Make your parents go out to buy a miniature
bat. Begin in the t-ball division. Have the coach set up a tee short enough for
you to hit a ball (This will be about 3 feet tall). Swing the bat and focus on
hitting the ball. Swing the bat and hit the tee instead of the ball. After
failing to hit the ball in multiple games, come out one day a swing the bat
extremely slowly so that you are guaranteed to hit the ball. You have hit the
ball but it was so soft that it only travels a few feet. Quickly outrun the
player who gets your ball and beat them to first base.
2 2. Practice, practice, practice! Begin hitting the
ball every time you swing. Move up to the 2-3 division. The coach will pitch to
you in this division. He will be about 8 feet away from you and will toss the
ball sluggishly in your direction. Although the ball is moving about 2 miles
per hour it seems to be flying at you. Swing with all your might and completely
miss the ball and fall flat on your face. Do this a couple of times then give
up. During the games you will have three chances to hit ball thrown by your
coach. If you miss the ball all three times then you will get one chance to hit
the ball off the tee. Use the tee to your advantage and miss every single ball
the coach throws at you. With all your practice hitting off the tee, you have
become quite talented and can hit the ball fairly accurately.
3 3. Move up
to the 4-5 division. Play catch with one
of your team mates. Miss the ball and have it hit you right in the face. Run
off the field crying and yelling that you quit softball forever. Muster up the
courage to come back to play the game the next week. In this division, other
girls will begin to pitch to you. They will stand at the pitcher’s mound and
throw an arched ball that will land behind the plate. If they do not throw a
decent pitch, you do not have to swing. If you swing three times at the ball
and still do not make contact, the coach will come and give you one chance to
swing at his pitch. Don’t worry if you miss, the coach will always blame
himself for not throwing a hittable pitch.
4 4. Finally you have made it too the big leagues. It’s time to move up to the middle school
division. In this league you only have 3 strikes and you’re out. You have to
learn to pay attention to the difference between balls and strikes. In order to
make this easier the league has placed green mats behind home plate. The
concept is easy, if the ball hits the mat it is a strike, otherwise it is a
ball. This is the division where you will begin hitting into the outfield. You
need to become more consistent and strike out as little as possible. Although you think you are hitting with all
your strength, have your ball always land into the infield. Figure out mid-season that if you use a
bigger bat, you can hit the ball further. Start hitting most every ball to the
outfielders.
5 5. The final stretch is on the horizon. After 3
years of middle school, you have graduated to the high school level. This is your chance to hit the home run. Step
up to the plate on your second game of the season. Grind your cleats into the
dirt. Slowly crouch and zone in on the ball. Watch the ball come towards you
and swing the bat as hard as you can. Hit the ball at the exact right moment so
you hear a perfect “CRACK” when the two make contact. The ball will fly over
the fence as you are sprinting to first.
Realize that you hit over the fence and slow down to complete your
victory laps. Continue to hit home runs every time you get the chance.
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